Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize