I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
