tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
