There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
