in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
