it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
