life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
