I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
we should paint friendship bongs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
