It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
