I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize