i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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