If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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