she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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