Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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