I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
