i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
