This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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