wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
