this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
