um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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