i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
