literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize