Need sex. Gaining weight.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
