So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
