Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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