i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
