Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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