Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
