My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
