I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
