i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
