Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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