this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
