you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize