i just wanna soil my oats bro
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
