The maid of honor just puked.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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