it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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