someone get that fucking seahorse.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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