No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
