im holly from the hills drunk
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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