I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
