Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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