i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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