You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
