My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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