its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize