i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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