I can text with my tongue
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Welp...herpes.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
