Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize