pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
