so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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