Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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