Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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