When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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