Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
