I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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