This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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