My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
