his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
