Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
