I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize