Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize