Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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