I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
