We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
50% drunk capacity currently
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
