Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My liver just had a heart attack.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize