Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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