I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
