I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
