i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
