the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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