I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
