You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
