i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
