I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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