The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
