you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
