She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
