On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
