Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
