wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
