this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
