My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
