I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
