Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
