So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
