remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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