My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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