Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
