I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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