My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
