Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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