I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
