I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
