that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
