Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
