Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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