Too much gin, very little bucket
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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