I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
