Pappa wants mamma naked
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I touched a dick in church today
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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