Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize