roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
