If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
