Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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