they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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