I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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