This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm sobbing to NWA
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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