we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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