I puked a lego.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
