please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
