Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
