You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
