I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
