you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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